who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
