do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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