I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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