i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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