All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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