never play flip cup with pint glasses
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
