That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
