It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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