Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
