Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
