it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
