i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
