what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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