All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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