Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
