once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
