Your face is a jimmy john
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
