he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
