1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
