You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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