Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
