i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
