He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So vagazzling was a success
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
