Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
