I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
