and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
