I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
