I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
