I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm jealous of your bromance
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
