Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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