it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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