ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I need to stop coming to work sober
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
