woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
