i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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