dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
