My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
being pregnant is like rehab
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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