Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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