I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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