my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
