Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
