I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
high people should be assigned attendants
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
