Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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