this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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