I think I died a long time ago.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
