I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
