we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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