Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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