my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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