birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
