people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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