life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
