seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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